When was the last time I cried my heart out (even though not so dramatic but with a heavy heart and tears brimming in my eyes) that I couldn't reach out to somebody... just like I had a bad day today.. If my memory serves right it was on a fateful third week of June '97, due to heartburn caused by LM in Salem. When I look myself from a neutral perspective, I am surprised to see myself reducing to a similiar caricature today even after a decade.. Where I am going wrong? Despite being very much balanced in the outlook and an ability to look things objectively, I find it funny to see myself crying at these kind of incidents. I certainly don't want to blame the person who made me cry because they are nice & what they are. But I want to blame my tendency to go overboard on the emotions and the levels of obsession I tend to get into when I start liking something / somebody? May be the current state of loneliness has a role to play, but like I used to say, this is the sentiment scene of my life drama... That's why I am recording it in my blog... ha! ha! ha! - {oshits} readers for this funny blog.

Vaithy, the anniversary things may remind me that it had been an year that you have physically passed away from us , but even today every conversation with our common friends here doesn't complete without the mention of you. Still it intrigues me why you had chosen the extreme decision of committing suicide, that too jumping from 12th floor, when you were so scared even to cross the road traffic. Many times I wish that Vaithy, Had you been around and I am here in Dubai we would have had a blast time painting whole of UAE red. I am still to come in terms that you are alive no more, still dreaming that someday that you'll call me / drop in my office here to surprise me. Ok... I have to admit the reality but I owe you a lot.. so lot that I can't quantify it in materials. Today whomever says that I have a good taste for fine arts, music, whenever my friends ask about Tamil literature & books, I still can't resist acknowledging that it was you who inculcated all those 'whatever good things so..' in me, making me a better human that I was yesterday, till you came into my life. Vaithy... I just pray that your soul rests in peace, else you give birth to me as my son, I will pamper you.

I was casually flipping through the pages of Femina's jan '09 issue. A case of marriage not consummated for the past three years caught my attention. I was just wondering what that couple were doing for past three years. I could understand what they might have been undergoing but their problem was something that could have been cured by a psychiatrist in few minutes of counselling. I too was a victim of 'Performance Anxiety', thats why I feel sorry for them. Most of the (conservative) people have a gap of 10-15 years between the s3xual awakening and the 'actual' s3x. In the mean time through watching porn movies & cyber s3x, they tend to set a very high expectation about s3x. So by the time they actually face the reality of carrying out s3x, they get nervous and the anxiety creeps in, affecting the s3xual performance. A counselling with the psychiatrist is all it needs at that time.

Atlast I have been hitched only to ditch my bachelorhood soon. After a heartbreaking incident, it took me exactly an year to say 'Yes' to marriage. Today it was formally decided that the marriage will be held sometime in December '08. Lot of other formalities are yet to be decided like who has to relocate where as my fiancee is currently placed in Bangalore. She is the third girl I had met in the pretext of marriage. First girl, whom I like a lot and still in touch with, couldn't make it due to disagreements in parent levels, Second girl, whom both the parents approved, ditched me when she learnt that my salary was less than her's by Rs. 5000/- p.m (It is another story that I moved to this company with a 50% hike after that incident) and this one is the third and final. It was really a tiresome journey as I was more concerned that how the person will take a 'NO'. Everytime I decided that things won't work, telling the 'NO' was very tough as it might hurt the girl. Today after the things are finalised formally by the elders, I became gloomy suddenly as if something of mine is leaving me. Probably because I always put myself first ahead of the rest, so the very thought of losing the 'freedom' gave a heavy heart. Guys, please just pray and wish all the best for me....

{oshits} reads

I learnt a lesson last night "Never take a liking for your masochist friend".... No, it is not that you hate them but please do a favour by not trying to get closer to them. Who is a masochist? We come across some people who enjoys the pains of trauma and loneliness no matter how much successful they are in life. Psychology terms these people as "masochists" who enjoy their pains, romanticise their sufferings. They love people showering attention towards them, but not in reciprocating them but feel elated in swatting their love. I have a friend who unfortunately had been subjected to a personal tragedy in his mid twenties. We all tried to make him feel comfortable by giving all our love and support to him with no expectations. But last night we realised that what we are doing is giving adverse effects.