{mosimage}I should have felt happy when I heard about Rajesh's marriage. Infact I have been telling him for an year that it is a high time that he should get married. But by the time I heard about the news of his marriage, even though I was excited when he called me to say the news, a sense of gloom overloomed it. I admit I like Rajesh immensly, whom I fondly nicknamed as Kutty (not Malayali Kutty, "tamil" Kutty as he is very short and boyish) very much and have lot of sweet memories with him in my room in Abu Dhabi. Now it is unsaid but understood that he will be moving out of the room to some flat. He might even forget me soon in the bliss of a marriage. Abu Dhabi is too small and if destined, sometimes we might bump into each other at some malls, thats all.

But does this small interlude need to create a void in my life? Who is he, after all I know him just because we had to share the room together. We had some tiffs and lot of good times in the room, but more than that I am doing a foolish thing having my emotional strings attached with a stranger. Who knows... even I might react the same way tommorrow when I get married. I know I am unnecessarily complicating myself by taking things too personally. Agreed that Rajesh breathed in a fresh whiff of breeze when I was terribly suffocating with some problems at all levels - professional, friendship and even back at home. I was too gloomy & cynical towards life at that time when I met Rajesh but as days passed by I started liking him and co-incidentally the problems started vanishing one by one leaving the sky clear beaming with happiness and joy.

I think the problem is that may be I associate Kutty with turn of things, I might have started getting possesive about him. Fortunately anything like fight or showdown due to that "P" factor didn't take place as I understood him completely and never in my dreams I tried to evade his space or impose me on him. But it was more of an admiration about his close resemblence to myself in the intrests towards arts, music, Ghazals and even the same Zodiac signs we share. I always knew that we have to part our ways any day and I have to be prepared for that occasion. I am glad that he got married despite his stern apprehensions about marriage. In that aspect I feel happy and blessed that my prayers towards his marriage had been answered. With that now I am adding new prayers that he should get some high paid job to run his family in UAE. I have to bear this separation until somebody with an interesting personality comes into my life.

Kutty, I remember you always & will miss you badly... very badly. I seriously and sincerely pray that yours be one of the most succesful marriages under the sun, that you must climb up in the social ladder with enough money and name. You will always feature in my prayers. At this juncture I am remembering an incident in my Engg. college. We, Mechanical Engineering guys were "filled" in a seminar on "Mind Concentration Techniques" originally supposed for Computers Guys. At that time I was struggling to recover from the wounds of breakup with Mohanasundaram. I told the Swamiji about my personal problem of overcoming the traumas, for which he advised me to drop things then and there and move on... and if I tried to keep pulling the things like coaches in the rail, then I'll end up nowhere dragging the whole things. Since then I am following it and it works fabulously for me. So I hope this time also I'll pass through this phase succesfully, but all I need is the blessings from God Almighty to give me the needed courage.

I always used to say that "Love makes life alive" for which one of my friends jocularly commented "... but marriage makes life miserable." He is correct but whose life is the question. Do I sound selfish? I don't think so, but a small bitter feeling of separation, thats all. May be if we were the best of friends, I wouldn't feel the parting, but it was just a "rayil sneham". His station came first and he got down and I am travelling with the memories till my station comes.. Ha! Ha! Ha!

April 25, 2006 - Cuddalore.


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About myself
Author: MaheshwaranWebsite:
I am a SAP Consultant in my late 30s, residing in the happeing IT City - Bangalore. My interests vary from reading to travelling to handicrafts to photography. My latest interest is on Body building. May be this vivid interest keeps me going in my life without getting bored.