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We have heard of the term "Abusive relationship" often in the psychological blogs or when the celebrities breakup. But who defines the "abusive relationship"? Do a relationship be termed only when there is physical violence or material loss involved? Does a third party involvement need to term a relationship as "abusive"? Like success, failure, rich, poor, this is also a subjective term. But a simple logic chosen to define anything as abusive is "that hurts the sentiment, self respective or physique of an individual". Going by this logic breaking the trust of a partner is also an abusive action.

When two individuals come in any relationship - be it through matrimony or friendship or even prpfessional relationships, the common or least expectation is the sincerity / priority of the relationship. But when we find the partner having the higher priorities than the relationship, it certainly affects the quality of the relationship. A common example is "Why the employers put the clause that their employees should not have any commercial business of their own other than the employed job?" Simple.. the employees might prioritise their own business than the job, so that the interests of the employers will be affected. The same logic applies in every personal relationships too.

Ofcourse we everyone have to play different roles and establish different relationships at the same time. But when we are in a place, we have to be there both physically and mentally. That is the only way we can do justice to the relationship. When you enter the work place, the employer-employee relationship must be the priority, when you go to your home your immediate family should be the priority and when you visit your parents, they are the priority at that time. But prioritising the family interests by sitting in the office, giving your thoughts completely to office when you are at home with family just damages the relationships concerned.

In a relationship finding that you are in the lowest priority list of your partner, or the partner is physically with you for social / economical reasons but give more importance to the other roles, then I feel that you are in an abusive relationship. For example if your wife prioritises her parents and ignores your well being or respect, it will definitely hurt you. You are being used like a parasite using the host to suck all energies only to siphon them to other interests. In this case there might not be any physical violence involved, not material loss but the basic trust is broken or commitment towards the relationship is violated. You are reduced to a doormat which is definitely an abusive action from relationship perspective.

How you react to these abusive relationship is dependent on the kind of upbringing, values or the standard of self respect you have for yourself. For somebody this doesn't mean anything at all as long as their personal interests like money, freedom or physical desires are not affected. Others might feel offended that their ego is hurt due to low ranking in their partner's priority list whereas for others it is a breach of commitment or get slighted that they are being taken for ride.

Before taking any decisions we have to consider the partner's perspective too. For some persons, the concepts like self respect / priority might not exist at all. So whomever practise such concepts are "out of text book". Some partners might do the "hurting" well aware of what they are doing to their partner. In some cases there is a deliberate attempt to demean the partners by constantly doing things that sends message the partners that they are never a priority.

In the first case, a discussion with the partner about your values might work, provided the partner is receptive or willing to change themself. But in the latter cases, I feel that it is better to walk out of the relationship where you are being taken for ride. I admit that parting ways in a relationship is very complicated and a painful process but somewhere that step has to be taken to protect your self respect when the sanctity of the relationship is destroyed. Else towards the end of your life you might be feeling like a use and throw bag. This abuse is much cruel than the physical violence or material loss and any self respecting individual doesn't deserve to be in any form of abusive relationship.