Recently Anis, after seeing my Birthday fotos, commented "Mahesh has a different world where he will be in all smiles, people will be raving about him but on contrast he is a snob with a 'kadoos' expression in his face in another world". I neither want to deny him nor give explanations to the behaviours in the another world he mentions. Just like any human being I am very happy with people I am more comfortable around me. Unfortunately I haven't I learnt the diplomacy and the art of face masking the real thought process. I got the virtue of being so transperent that whatever is in my mind, my face broadcasts it. After seeing the birthday photos many people who matter me a lot said that my smile was too good in those photos. Again I neither wanted to deny nor endorse their comments, but even if the camera was not there my smile would have been like that when with people closer to me. I can attribute this to one of the interviews of Shabana Azmi, I have read when I was in my 11-12th std.

Shabana Azmi said that she tried to smile with her mouth closed hiding her canine teeth for photograps, but when the director Mahesh Bhatt noticed that he asked Shabana to show her wide grin, straight from the heart, without bothering about displaying her canine teeth. I too had many people instructing me 'not to show the teeth' while photographing me. But after I read this interview, I never bothered about the display of white/yellowish canine element in the face, but just let the smile come straight from my heart. Many times even if I have tried to hide my disappointments with this wide grin, my eyes played the culprit exposing my mind altogether. Over the years I have mellowed down and at the same time developed the habit of calling spade a spade, even though I try to avoid the confrontations to the maximum extent. I have a very few close friends & people who matters me a lot and I am glad that I haven't got too many because I won't be able to shower my complete attention and love towards them. And this is one quality of mine which holds me closer to my friends, whomever little in number they are.

Looking back, I sometimes wonder at my (natural) transition from a meek and submissive child to a slightly brattish but same time loved by people of my world. I won't say that I handled all the situations well but actually in the first instance I always faltered and based on that incident I learnt my lessons and handle well on subsequent situations. So I have so many stories to tell, advices / wisdoms to impart, which I personally feel makes my life an intresting journey. Many times, when the things are smooth but routine, I try to disturb the monotony / equilibrium that I get altogether different experiences. Again not all the time I was right, many times my calculations misfire but I always feel glad that something different had handled.

{mosimage}Once Ambika mailed me that "sabar ka phal meeta hota hai" which roughly translates that the outcome of a trying period is always sweet. I took it so seriously that during the rough times, I always live with a hope that this phase too will pass by, looking forward for a happy ending. Many times people warn me that since I 'enjoy' even the bad experiences, there is an element of complacence / carelessness developed in me. On introspection I accept this criticism because I just accept the happenings as it was but the positive thing is that I get over that soon with a question of "What's next?". This approach helped me in quick moving on but sometimes tending me to overlook the reasons that actually caused the mishap. Sometimes these 'avoiding the confrontation' approach doesn't work as the situations that should have been solved earlier pile up and backfire at the later stage.

All said and done, I attribute all the incidents & every person who had come across in my life to what I am today and what I'll be tommorrow. Everyday and every small incidents teach me some valuable lessons which I can implement immediately or in the appropriate time. One this for sure "Change is the only constant thing in my life" and I just hope that all the changes are for good. If I remain what I am today I'll get stagnated and lose intrest in my life. That's why I try to reinvent myself with various ways like learning a new art or visiting new places or redefining the agenda of my life often and it really works for me. Even if I meet death tonight I can die with a peace that I had lived atleast a part of my life the way I wanted to be, because I take my life atleast once a day. I am sure not many of us will have a peaceful unprecedented death.

{oshits} readers for this blah... blah of mine..

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About myself
Author: MaheshwaranWebsite: https://www.maheshwaran.com
I am a SAP Consultant in my late 30s, residing in the happeing IT City - Bangalore. My interests vary from reading to travelling to handicrafts to photography. My latest interest is on Body building. May be this vivid interest keeps me going in my life without getting bored.