This is the first blog I amSelf Ignorance typing in the laptop I had bought to indulge myself for this otherwise lonely birthday. Last time in 2005 I had a lonely birthday in Abu Dhabi, on when I decided that I should do something to be with my family in the coming birthdays, which was instrumental in moving to SAP. Even though I was in Abu Dhabi for 2006 birthday I was sure that I'll be heading back to India in few months because I had taken SAP certification in May 06. May be I realised the gravity of being alone on occassions like birthday I enjoyed the next two birthdays very much with family & also usefully. For 2009 birthday I am back to a lone birthday that too in the same UAE. Just hoping that the next & coming birthdays will be with my family. Am I alone feeling this way quite emotionally or do others also feel the same way? As far as I had seen, most of the people who doesn't think this way enjoy their life much more than people like me do. That set the ball rolling for this blog.


Sometimes back I was chatting with Vijay, my new Australia based chat friend, who also managed to impress me a lot. In the process of understanding him more, I asked lot of questions to him like his likes / dislikes, who & what makes him happy, what upsets him & his levels of possesiveness. For most of the questions Vijay said that he had never thought of those aspects or he doesn't ponder on those lines. I think I bored him a lot and could sense his uncomfortableness, so decided not to bombard him with those sort of questions. Not only Vijay, all the people whom I like a lot were getting bored by these sort fo questions from me because if I am quite serious about somebody, the kind of questions I ask them also get a serious tone. May be because of this I am losing a lot of people whom I love a lot and I don't blame them because after a while I can understand how much they might have got bored by such questions.

However one person who survived my questions and accepted me is Akila, my wife. Before my marriage, I spoke to her and asked a lot of questions like the limits of her anger, possessiveness etc etc, which she commented that even her project work's viva voce was easier than my interview. But on a later day she confessed that it was those 'matured' questions like gauging the possesiveness, anger management that made her say yes for me. Now looking back I feel that those questions had taken away the initial thrill of a marriage life despite the fact that there is a sense of dignity in both of us behaviours.
Self Ignorance
When I look into the people around me, who doesn't introspect themselves the way I do, who doesn't consciously make any efforts to know / reach to others, they are really happy, easy going and enjoying a lot, even though my definition of enjoyment differs from theirs. With the self consciousness coupled with rigidness, I tend to avoid situations which I fear might not be comfortable for me, rather than taking a plunge. At those times I feel that (Self) ignorance is a bliss. May be I had read too much of philosophical / anthropology stuffs during my formative years, the sense of self awareness & introspection had become a habit for me. Somewhere I have to learn to unlearn those traits. Certainly it is not that I am not happy in my life or not enjoying, but I would like to add more zing to my too much self conscious life, just like the babies do.

On the concluding note, a recent meeting in Chennai by the psychologists for the parents was a disturbing news. In the view of increasing sexual exploitation of the infants ( a heart wrenching news of a 9 month infant 'raped' by 6 people) & children by the paedophile neighbours & relatives, the psychologists adviced teaching the children about the 'good' and 'bad' touch. Even though it is a good proactive measure I am disturbed because once the children start getting such awareness or knowledge, all their innocence and happy-go-lucky nature will be robbed as the kids will start doubting and (sometimes wrongly) decoding every of the touch when they are being fondled or hugged. Also they get conscious about the physical aspects and feelings that might lead to early teenage sex and pregnancies. That's why I say, sometimes 'Ignorance is a bliss'

{oshits} readers for this blog on self ignorance being a blissful nature

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About myself
Author: MaheshwaranWebsite: https://www.maheshwaran.com
I am a SAP Consultant in my late 30s, residing in the happeing IT City - Bangalore. My interests vary from reading to travelling to handicrafts to photography. My latest interest is on Body building. May be this vivid interest keeps me going in my life without getting bored.